Sometimes you don’t need lucky stars…

2011 is shaping up far more amazing than I ever expected.

Have you ever felt like the luckiest person alive? I feel so blessed right now but who’s doing the blessing? I don’t count on lucky stars, I don’t have religious beliefs and I don’t take anything for granted. I do my best at creating my own luck, but boy am I lucky.
I wake up every day and make a conscious effort to be aware and be thankful for the few things in life that I have.

I used to be focussed on earning money, being successful and getting rich. But who was I kidding? Someone amazing has waltzed in to my life recently and my perspective has changed already. I don’t need any materials if there’s love in my heart to give. Life really isn’t about receiving, or counting on lucky stars. Life is about being someone elses lucky star.

So I’m gonna shine.

When there’s no words to say, I deliver the goods.

Through this awkward silence can you tell me what the time is?
Can you tell me why that and why this, and why is,
This life so fucking violent? It’s a rockier ride than the roughest of tides,
It’s a violent start and it’s violent when we die,
But if we’re gonna be here and we’re gonna be alive, we better start working on being alive!

We’re beating the tests but they follow up harder; Who’s setting these tasks,
And asking us to raise the bar up? I’m the best bar none and I’ll show you how far up,
I can take this game and leave you eatin’ my star dust…
But every star must shine and when it comes to your time,
You’re gonna need my support and a head like mine,
Big enough to cope without reason or rhyme, but I’m still humble enough to come across shy,
I’m here for you, brother, I’m not taking your limelight I’m just your support act while you get in the zone like,
You know that you can and you know that you will do – you’re on a timer now until it’s eyes all upon you…

When there’s no words to say, I’ll deliver the goods.
When there’s no turn to take, I’ll point you through the woods,
To a field of perfection that you could only dream up,
If you gonna make it here then it’s time that you team up,
Your head, heart and soul for phenomenal force,
You’re in charge of this ride so get this ride on course and we’ll ride it with you, of course…

“Please please please, let me get what I want this time…”

Good Times

Good times, please stay with me this time…

BYOH

Where will inspiration come from when heroes fade away, because all heroes meet an end at the end of the day,
Will you hold on to what they gave you or will you let it fade away? Can you keep it all up or was it just a phase anyway?
There’s heroes out fighting for and defending the brave, there’s heroes on our doorsteps but we’re turning them away,
There’s a hero on your street, there’s probably more, but how you gonna be a hero when you can’t see yours any more?

What lack of motivation comes to is what motivates me, it’s an instinct in my breath, my blood and my genes,
I can’t spread this motivation ’cause it’s not a disease but it’s a skill you can perfect if you’re copying me,
I’m not the original and neither are you, we’ve all got it inside us but how are you gonna do,
When the pressure arrives and it’s time to decide if you’re gonna let the world live or will you let your world die?

Who’s in your world and who would you save? You know it’s true what they say that fortune favours the brave,
But it too favours evil and the ones who abuse it, you gotta be strongest when the time comes to use it,
Who do you learn from when you’re walking the street?
When you jump in to battle can you land on your feet?
When you need to be called on will you answer the call?
When you need to be with us are you with it at all?

We all fall down but you have to prevent us, and when we’re celebrating success you’ll be the one to present us,
With the tears of passion, survival and the stories, of how you were there to knock walls down and that it was you that tore these,
Boundaries apart in your heart and in ours, leaving nothing to stop us from turning from zero to do exactly what you did, to Be Your Own Hero.

Writers Block Warm Up

I want to do my best but I don’t know what to do,
Should I do it for me or should I do it for you?
I’m here to inspire me ’cause you’re being no use,
Can we call this all quits, separate and leave with a truce?

 

Hold up a white flag for me to ignore,
Knock when you arrive; I’ll come lock the door

 

Cinderella Syndrome, silver slipper, slippery slope for a midnight fibber
Clock still ticking, striking at one, seeking an exit with a costume still on
More and more real, less and less true, a ruined illusion of an illusion you drew…

Can iTurn on a U-turn?

The last couple of days I’ve not been myself. I think things are catching up with me, as 2011 has been way too pacey really. Moving back to my hometown, moving in to a new job in a new industry and really changing my whole life around was seemingly going okay! I thought everything was going pretty smoothly but of late all I’m doing is reminiscing on the good times I had whilst living in Cheshire.
It’s really odd, I’m fighting in my mind a ‘for and against’ with equal ‘fors’ and equal ‘againsts’ for each town. That’s splitting a two way argument four ways by the way.

I’m obviously not going to move back, I’m getting settled here and I really like my new job. Not sure that I love it though.. Which is not a good sign. I loved my old one. Maybe the grass is just a different shade of green and my vision will adjust to this hue.

The memories I’m having are the ones when I had my apartment. The day I got the keys to that place is was like being given so much freedom! Irony working it’s magic there!
I had some good times when I worked at the pub too, Porters Ale House in Macclesfield. What a place, I miss it being my local. 2009 was a great year for working there and going out a lot too. Met some wonderful people during 2009.
The quiet life was actually pretty good! Socialising is all good but it’s not cheap!

So tonight I’m getting my head around it all. I’m here to stay but I need to keep busy, I need a new hobby, new pastime or just a new girlfriend!

Can iTurn on my Uturn?  I don’t want to really, but I sure would love the best of both worlds I’ve lived in over the last 4/5 years. But no, Harborough is home again now and I think I need to spend at least a couple of years doing what I’m doing, going where I’m going and meeting the people I’m destined to meet along the way.

The future is as bright as you want it to be and this applies to everybody, even me.

Close your eyes, clap your hands, and wish for summer…

I got to bed at 3.30am last night after chilling with my main amigo just like the old times. The only difference is that we’re no longer teenagers, and that the word FIFA is followed by the number 11 instead of 06.

2006 was fun. Possibly one of the best summers I ever had, and the only contender was 2005 really. Both those years we did similar stuff. We had 50cc (70cc!) scooters, we had no bills to pay, the summers were hot. We had loads of pool parties, BBQs and regular house parties.
We can’t go back to that. These kinds of summers are in the past for a reason, they’re talking points of our pasts. But we can try our damned hardest to imitate those good times. These days we’ve got more money. We’ve got less time but we’ve got more to cram in to that time. We’ve got more respect for time though and that’s what makes the good times even more concentrated. This summer is but a few weeks away and we’ve got to start making plans! Today I began mine. A trip to London mid-May to see one of my favourite bands (Taking Back Sunday) whose music I choose when I know the summer’s coming. I went to London in summer 2009, good times. I love the heat in the city. Other plans include drafts of a trip to San Diego as summer closes, but in between those two plans I just know this summer is going to be a good one. I have more money than I’ve ever had, more time than I’ve had in the last few years and the people around me are the best people I’ve ever had around me in this life and probably in previous ones too.

I need to get a new DSLR camera sorted and I can document this pivotal year. I got a good feeling about this.

 

Close your eyes, clap your hands, and wish for summer…

Even the biggest pictures never show what’s coming next.

Something I learnt during my time in Macclesfield is how to look at the bigger picture.

Only in the last year of my time there did I really start doing it though. I started planning beyond tomorrow, albeit very basic plans, I had learned the ability to at least think a little further a field. It’s these thoughts that have led me to where I sit tonight, back where I grew up with a new job, new career and new start. But I’m three weeks in and it’s not so new any more and suddenly the dramatic adjustment in life is no longer a big picture, but a mere scribble in what now seems an unimportant scrapbook.

I have in no way ‘moved backwards’ despite moving back. This is the best thing I have done for myself in so long. I’m spending more time with the people I love, than I have had chance to do in nearly half a decade.

My new job is going well, it’s not as taxing as my previous job but it is fun, and the people around me are good people. I’m really excited about the opportunity that will be undoubtedly coming my way but like lightning, luck doesn’t strike twice. I got really lucky working for my last company and managed a couple of promotions with luck as my momentum. I now need to create luck in this company and need to huddle down with a specific idea and find a new skill and niche to use it in. My foot is in the door in a rapidly expanding business, I am at management level and I am applying myself 110% – but it’s not enough.
There is a bigger picture I must paint, but even then I can’t see what’s coming next.

Part of me wants to get stuck in with marketing. Part of me wants to get stuck in with retail strategies. Part of me wants to get stuck in with area management. Part of me wants to be heavily involved in a training and development of people. I can’t paint all these things in to one picture but I’m going to learn about each one, so I know which will fit best my canvas.

It’s time to knuckle down Benjamin. There’s a lot of new and exciting chances coming this way and I have to be prepared to latch on to one, it’s such a shame that even the biggest pictures never show what’s coming next.

A birthday is not an achievement.

I turned 22 today. I hate the whole fuss of birthdays. Celebrating, in my opinion, should be reserved for when something is achieved. A birthday is not an achievement.

So today I went about my business like any other, worked at my new job and had a pretty poor day as it happens. The only person I’ve seen and spoken to (aside from customers) is my new assistant manager, Jess. She’s great. She respected that I like to stay low-key on my birthday and we just treated today like any other. I appreciate that so much. I also appreciate the caramel slice she bought me at lunch time! That was a nice touch.

I make sure my birthday doesn’t flash up on Facebook. I can’t stand all the fake ‘happy birthdays’ from people who don’t really care. However a few people that do care sent me a message and I had to just suck up my pride and say thanks – I don’t like to be disrespectful. It makes me laugh that the ones who don’t care picked up on it through their ‘news feed’ though and proceeded to leave a message.

Anyway, drove home from work and listened to Jamiroquai’s new album which is incredible – I really have a new found love for their music. Last night I fell asleep at about 9pm on the sofa and felt great this morning so I figured tonight I’d keep my head down and do a similar thing, so here I am in bed at a similar time. I’ve successfully avoided everybody!

Tomorrow is another day, and I can work towards something worth celebrating. I’ll probably lay low again tomorrow and by the 17th everything blows over and I don’t have to worry about hiding away for another year.
I’m more than happy to celebrate with those that celebrate, but it’s just not for me. I haven’t been interested in my birthday for a few years, probably since I was 17.

Anyway I’m disappointed in this blog so I’m going to spend the next few days getting focussed on who I am, where I am in life, where I’m going in life, who I can help in life, and where I can make a difference. Then I’ll come back with a post containing far more inspiration and something far more interesting to think about. For now I’m drifting off so I can dream about something.

Goodnight x